Collegeboard: The Savior Of Education

Byline photo of Evan Soukup
Byline photo of Ryan Urbina
Evan Soukup and Ryan Urbina
November 17, 2023
An AP student (Ryan Urbina) doing schoolwork in the background of Ms.Maimone's classroom. Three novels sit in the foreground on a wooden school desk.
An AP student (Ryan Urbina) doing schoolwork in the background of Ms.Maimone’s classroom. Three novels sit in the foreground on a wooden school desk.
Evan Soukup

Do you want a stress free highschool experience? Look no further than the non-profit organization, College Boards AP classes! A completely relaxing and effortless experience with inexpensive tests that have high pass rates and prepare you for the college experience!

College Board is a non-profit organization in America that has a large influence in high school education. They create and administer ACT’s, SAT’s, and AP Exams in the education system. These are easy, loose tests that help boost your confidence!

Samantha Rivera was late to dance practice because she got caught up in work. (Sophia Walker)

You get the laid back test taking experience for the low-low price of just $97 per AP Exam! With the high pass rates they have, you’re guaranteed to get some easy college credit. For example, College Board announced that last year’s AP Physics 1 exam had an extremely high pass rate of 45%! If you thought that AP Exams were cheap, the SAT is only $60! It’s basically free!

College Board being a non-profit organization pays their CEO practically pennies, earning 2.5 million dollars a year, as stated by USA Today. This CEO is barely making the poverty line wage, and still is so selfless that he decides to keep operating this non profit organization; what a guy!

Abel Nieto Garcia, an AP student at Golden Valley High School was asked if he would recommend AP classes to students, he stated “Yes of course they’re the easiest classes on campus!” He also said that on a scale of 1-10 “I would rate the relaxation of AP classes a 20 out of 10.”

Lyn Howe and Kaylee Davison, student athletes study before practice knowing they won’t have time later. (Sophia Walker)

Timmy Osmand, another AP student at Golden Valley High School questionably said that on a scale of 1 to 10 one being least stressful and ten being most stressful, he would rate it a “six out of ten.” Timmy then went on to say a quite ignorant statement, the tests are “Too expensive; it’s a piece of paper with ink on it.” He concerningly believes that they should be “$25 a test”. What he doesn’t know is that these tests are carefully crafted, and take incredible workmanship to curate into the eloquence that is the AP Tests.

Student Athlete having to skip practice to do homework. (Sophia Walker)

So at the culmination of the conclusive evidence, we must wholeheartedly proclaim that the exuberant College Board is the complete and whole enlightener of education within the high school system and your future, with immaculate preparation for the college experience including; laid back exams, cheap tests, and easily passable classes, Amen.

(Be aware, this is a satirical essay, please take it very seriously.)

 

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About the Contributors
Evan Soukup
Evan Soukup, Photographer
My name is Evan Soukup and I am a senior at golden valley high school, I graduate in december (one semester early) and I am really looking forward to starting college, with a large portfolio of sports awards I quit because I came to the realization that being 5’8 I am not going to make it to the nba. I am also the photographer for the Community News Team. As of march last year, I have started trading stocks and I love it. I know an incredible amount of sports so I do love writing about such and I workout and run far distances so I love to write about that as well. My favorite thing to do is to spend time with my family, specifically my brothers. I love them so much and we have so much fun together. I think journalism is a great skill to learn that will help to forward my career. Thank you for taking your time to read our articles. LOCK IN.
Ryan Urbina
Ryan Urbina, Staff Writer
My name is Ryan Urbina, and I’m a senior at Golden Valley high school as well as a staff writer on the Community News Team for the Grizzly Gazette. Some extracurricular activities I'm a part of are CSF, literature club, chess club, Asian student union, business club, and mock trial. I’ve gotten a chess trophy in a tournament, and used to be a co-vice president in the SkillsUSA for a semester. My main passion, which I'd like to cover, is creative writing. Creative writing is my favorite form of expression, whether it be short stories or poems. I’m a large fan of both forms of creative writing, and it’s one of my true passions in life. I write to understand myself and my emotions, and I feel like that makes my style unique compared to others. Being a student journalist means a lot to me so I’m able to express my writing to a much larger audience, and I would enjoy building a portfolio of my work. I hope my writing can create a positive impact on this newspaper.
Sophia Walker
Sophia Walker, Staff Writer
Sophia Walker is a Staff Writer  for the Sports New Team on the Grizzly Gazette and she is in her last year of highschool. She's very passionate about writing about campus activities, student spotlight stories and community issues because she wants to be involved with everything that is happening and to be able to share what needs to be shared which is very important to her. Being a part of the Grizzly Gazette to her is extremely important because there is so much that is going on and all people need to be educated with everything in the world and our community which is very diverse and different. She loves journaling, writing their thoughts and making poems with what happens to make her feel better and researching common things going on to learn more. She also loves helping people and leading them in any way she can, she strives to help and understand anyone. She has had many hobbies including hockey, dance, tennis, volleyball, and acting. Eventually I would love to be a therapist or counselor for families, relationships, and or with any people in need of help or support.